my healing journey: a continuous path forward

Feeling at home in my own body.

Photo: April 1st, 2026. 1 year top surgery anniversary!

My life crumbled and fell apart the moment I realized that I am a man, even though I was born a woman. Everything that I was taught, inhaled, and alchemized with my Catholic, Chinese-Indonesian upbringing went down the drain.

“I’ll go to hell. I don’t deserve a life worth living. I am ashamed of myself.”

..That and among many other self-deprecating words that would circle around my head for more than a decade. When people asked me what I want to do for my future, it was really hard for me to answer because existing in the present felt excruciatingly painful.

I hated my voice, so I resorted into being a squeaky little mouse IRL and speak softly. My body doesn’t feel right, so I would either cover up excessively or straight up tried to follow the norm and dress like the woman I was supposed to be (hyper-femme era). It wasn’t fun!

Mental health support aided me throughout my battle with depression and anxiety. But it all significantly changes when I said “F*** IT!” and directly shatter the illusion that is my identity.

Opening up my worldview and coming to terms with what my heart, body, and soul desires‍ ‍saved my life.

But how’d I do it, you ask???? The day I discovered the queer community and learning more about peer support changed my life!